1. Eliminate vocal interference — the um’s, ah’s, like’s and ya’know’s become distractions to the listener.

2. Watch for the “Yabit Habit” — be aware of beginning sentences with “Yes, but ...” as this language typically closes the listeners’ minds to your next statement.

3. When giving feedback use the LB/NT — Tell them what you Liked Best and what they can change for Next Time.

4. To diffuse conflict, use the Fogging technique: “You may be right, help me understand.” Watch the delivery so it does not sound condescending.

5. Use the Negative Assertion to build respect and credibility; admit your mistakes. “I made a mistake and here’s what I’ve learned …”

6. Be aware of the number of words and detail (or lack of) used in verbal and written conversation. The average sentence should be approximately 12 to 15 words.

7. Be aware of the frequency of using negative words such as can’t, not, won’t and couldn’t. People stop listening to the negative.

8. Expect a positive outcome with every conversation. The reticular activating system in your brain will drive a positive outcome.

9. Try to determine what the person is really asking by the “WHY” questions. Perception of what others say is driven by our frames of reference.

11. Ask open-ended questions to access appropriate detail so your response is tailored to their needs.

12. Put a smile on your face and you will have an agreeable tone to your voice — without having to fake it!

13. When person-to-person, use open body language by uncrossing your arms, leaning forward and leaving clothing pockets alone.

14. Respect the other person’s invisible communication boundaries. This changes by culture so study up; a good resource is Roger Axtell’s “Do’s and Taboos.”

15. Use the assertive communication three-step model: 1) Acknowledge their request 2) Use “I” language and 3) When possible, give them two choices and let them choose.

15. Be aware when writing or speaking and use empathy by focusing on the other person. Awareness of using “I” too frequently can help.

16. Organize your thoughts before you engage your mouth (this is a Dadism for me). It’s a good idea to stay calm so the brain operates from the organized and logical left half.

17. Create awareness to the four styles of communication: Director, Relator, Socializer and Thinker. Where are you and where are they?

18. Acknowledging gender differences increases positive outcomes. For example, women often communicate from a “Relationship” based position, where as men communicate from an “Independent” focus.

19. Baby Boomers, Generation X and Generation Y all communicate with a different focus. Boomers typically want structure, Gen X needs it to be about them, and Gen Y wants detail and information. Study up and you will see a big payoff.

20 Eliminate mental terrorism. If you tell yourself you will not find the right words, you run the risk of becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy.